my life is ruining my life

I have no motivational skills.
Today, after getting piano practice out of the way and showering, I proceeded to waste my 5 precious hours set aside for working on homework. I have no excuse, I did not Tweet, or instagram, or go on "Fbook" (my derogatory term for that pathetic website we call a social network.) I did not watch television.

But what did I do?! I know I wasted all that time, but I didn't really "do" anything! Gah I hate this! I can never change! Grr! *scream* *cry* 

Trial and error and error and frustration have showed me that I NEED TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE IN ORDER TO GET WORK DONE.
Even a clean and empty desk in the quietness of my own house with nobody around CAUSES ME TO DISASTROUSLY WALLOW IN A PIT OF DESPAIR AND APATHY.
Getting out of the house is step 1, but going to bed early is step 2. If I go to bed late I WAKE UP AT 11 AND QUESTION MY SANITY because now the day is ruined but hey, I got an extra 2 hours of sleep.
If I go to bed late on a school night, I WAKE UP AT 5 AND NOW THE DAY IS SCREWED. It's now hopeless at this point; I'll be spending my downtime between classes looking at my planner and wrinkling my brow because I have so much work to do but no time to do it. When I get home I'll be so exhausted I'll take a nap. The NAP IS A LIE because then I'm wired until 12:30 am and either will have to wake up at 5 or end up sleeping in. NOTHING GETS DONE.
When I'm tired I will not want to eat healthy because it takes too much effort and the 'day is already screwed.'
When I'm tired I will not want to work out because--in theory--that time should be used for homework. THAT THEORY IS A LIE. I never end up swapping workout for homework. The time is usually better suited for browsing the internet or playing piano.

SO, I accumulate high amounts of stress because I'm flying by the seat of my pants from my lack of self-discipline, living like a procrastinator, eating like a teenager, and not working out like a slob.

Turns out I live with these consequences every day. And every time I look into the mirror. My face is horrible. I've never had acne this bad in my life. During teenage years I only dealt with "zits" and even those were phased out by Duac. Reference Junior year and senior year pictures. My face was a porcelain work of art.
Now I have painful acne and huge craters on my forehead, chin, and temples and I'm back on Duac but it's not really working. MY LIFE IS JUST SWELL AND I'M HAVING SO MUCH FUN.
I just wish I could wake up and everything would be better. Not 180 degree-difference. Not magically okay. But just a bit better. ...
....Mommy.... :(