My Big Break

I called today's rehearsal my "big break." And it was one of those moments when the second it left my lips, I knew it wasn't the right thing to say. It seemed so wrong to use words that make it sound like I'm capitalizing on a situation that involves serving at church.


Yesterday around noon our music director called me and asked if I would like to fill in for our pianist to rehearse with the orchestra.  I immediately accepted and started practicing, as this was a huge task.  I had to learn the piano accompaniment for this syncopated, rhythmic, African/tribal sounding choir anthem of "All Creatures of our God and King" in less than 27 hours.
I am incredibly surprised at my skills and how they have progressed over the past year.  I am really thankful I was able to put it together and was totally confident I could play under the direction of a conductor (something I'm not particularly used to.)
I called it my "big break" only because our most reliable pianists/church musicians play with the orchestra.

On my way to church today I was listening to the recording of the song just to finalize the tempo in my head.  I heard the third verse and some lyrics stuck out to me so poignantly, so I decided to pray:

"Let all things their Creator bless
and worship Him in humbleness."

I prayed that God would let me worship Him in humbleness tonight at rehearsal.  And like the trees, flowers, vegetation--and other things I was passing by in my car--who constantly point upwards and proclaim God's Majesty and power, that I would be able to do the same using my talents of music.

Rehearsal was going well, and although I was a tad bit timid, it was because of acoustics and things that were vying for my attention:
 the whole string and woodwind section behind me playing up a storm, and the fact that I constantly had to adjust the levels on my in-ear monitor so I could hear myself--we didn't have a DRUMMER and our percussion section didn't know their parts yet.
I had to softly click to myself with my tongue "ONE e and ah TWO e and AH three e and AH four and..." in order to get the syncopation right.  There were also these ten crazy measures of transition/modulation to a key in 5 flats, and I was so glad I had memorized that part because with all the things happening around me, I wouldn't have been prepared at all. Especially since we didn't have a drummer, everything was much slower and I had to constantly keep time in a tempo that was slower than the one I had prepared.

The song is pretty majestic and thrilling. It's our last Sunday of the choir and orchestra season, and it's the Sunday when we concentrate on our mission efforts in Tanzania so we chose this one accordingly.

Troy had asked our choir to fill into the worship center to watch a video that we have requested to see for the past four weeks.  The choir filed into the pews as our orchestra rehearsal was wrapping up with the 'big finish' of "All Creatures..." and I was really trying to get the ending down.  I couldn't help but smile at the fact that the whole choir was listening to US and watching US, and was probably pleasantly surprised that I was playing the piano. I was glad they could see and hear it/me.

Later, when running the piece with the whole choir and orch, I had sat down the play and was about thirty measures in, when our regular pianist came along side me and started untangling her headphones.  She said we should swap.  I was confused and trying to play and can't really talk and play. I didn't know when this would take place but was mildly horrified at the prospect, would she change places with me DURING the song?! 
Yep.
Once she got those headphones in, she said "Let's switch." My mind was scattered as I stood up; she circled around the bench and said as I was walking, "You can play the string reduction.. right?"
I basically did the walk of shame in the midst of the song as I turned around and faced the string section, and the sopranos and tenors and felt embarrassed.  I felt bad for hesitating so much when she initially mentioned the switch. Part of me was alarmed, as I am not in the habit of jumping up and leaving the piano during the middle of the song, and part of me wanted to stay and play the darn thing that I had put about 4 solid hours into learning and polishing for this thirty minute rehearsal!
I tried not to fume as I stood behind the keyboard searching for my string patch, and then returning to the piano to gather the sheet music I had left on the rack.  By the time I got back to my station the song was half-over.
I tried not to fume as she played the parts that I could picture in my head. I tried not to fume as I stood behind the keyboard sight-reading some music that I couldn't make heads or tails of.  My fingers seemed to want to play the piano part that I had rehearsed.
Then the words came rushing back to me in a pang, "And worship Him in humbleness."
I realized this was my "humble" moment that I had prayed for in the car. I prayed that God could help my emotions catch up, as I accepted that it was time to be humble.  Yet I couldn't shake the sullen feeling that had been with me since I noticed her approaching me behind the piano.  So I started to study her face and how the stage lights were catching in her eyes and tried to tell myself that she was still the nice person I have known for three years.  Someone who I respect very much.  This WASN'T personal, and that I need to stop taking it personally. Everyone's just trying to do their job.  Gradually the feelings subsided.
After rehearsal our music director came over to me and gave a big smile and reassuring shoulder-pat and said, "Thank YOU for rehearsing with us tonight, you did a great job."
That made tonight worth it.