I am blown away at how much has changed in the past 3 months.

Usually change is something you can only trace in retrospect, but this change was a constant rush--a slight tugging. I could feel it grinding away from the day I bravely prayed for this change.
Now I find myself in a place that is night and day different than when I started, I wonder:  have things really "changed," or were they always heading this direction all along?
Is life a gradual ramp, or a series of platforms and ladders?

Like I said, the process of change was a constant gnawing.
For the whole month of January I was stricken by constant itching. My arms, my legs, my hands, my neck--everything. I could tell it was stress. It all came to an awful peak on the 27th and that's when I stood at my dead end and decided God's way was better.
Anything was better than the mess I was currently making.
I prayed for Vinedresser to prune--despite my hesitancy and fears. I put emotions aside and made a decision to trust and let my emotions catch up with my decision later.
And February was a month where I dealt with my new-found journey of trust.
So many times of the most conflicted feelings. The dissonance of my emotions and my intellect was out of control. Some times I thought I would go out of my mind considering the bi-polar nature of my thoughts. 

I drew near to God and He drew near to me. I believe he was waiting for this the whole time.