Today went fine and I'm feeling much better. My angsty post last night was so...angsty. I guess I was just stressed. In actuality, I had a great weekend. I went to a dbacks game on Friday with my dad and got to experience the moment the diamondbacks clinched the NL west division title. The whole place shook. I swear all 42,606 people lost control that night. So amazing. Then on Saturday I hung out with some amazing kids while my parents went to the ASU game. I'll have to post some videos and pictures on here it was so much fun.
Monday, September 26, 2011
So wired right now
I hate this.
I hate this stress
This school
Not having any time for myself
I hate that my room is a sty.
I hate that I can't be creative because I'm doing work for classes that won't matter in 8 months.
It's disappointing how I have this amazing photography idea I want to do but will probably never get to do it.
I hate discipline.
I hate scales.
I can't stand taking two steps forward and one step back
I'm tired of putting on a front at school. Some days I wish I could show up, and not talk to anybody all day.
I'm sick of people who think high school is the only reality there is. Why can't they see the big picture??
I'm so bored of texting.
I'm so bored of Facebook.
It bugs me how screwed up my adrenals are.
I can't believe I'm gonna be waking up in 5 hours.
I'm sick of dragging through the days.
I'm sick of feeling like Rip van Winkle after taking an unexpected 3 hr nap.
I wrote an extended metaphor on 'fog' for a class and you know what? I actually enjoyed myself. I felt very Emily Dickinson. It was the first time I've advanced creatively in 3 years.
3 years!!!!! It's insane.
Why did I do that co-op for two years, it amounted to nothing. Just a lot of stress, mediocrity, and lap-books. NOTE TO ALISHA. DON'T MAKE YOUR KIDS DO THEM IN HIGH SCHOOL. I'm not one to believe crafts prepared you for the SAT.
You know what I really want to do with my time? Go to the Vans store and buy some cute skinny jeans that stop at the ankles so you can roll them up. Then I want some really cute menswear-inspired shirts. You know, with the neat collars. Maybe some Sperry Top Siders. Call me preppy. I don't care. Then I want to go to this one thrift store in phoenix and buy a bunch of records I saw 2 yrs ago. Houses of the Holy in original plastic. Things like that. Then I wanna go to a vintage clothing store in Tempe/scottsdale area. Get my hair done at Rumor's and buy a bunch of film and start my photography project as my hobby.
I also want to buy some more Stride Shaun White gum. It's the only thing that makes me happy right now
But no. I wake up, eat, do homework, practice piano, shower, eat, practice again, probably go somewhere usually errands or a class, then more homework, and then eat and go to bed. That's how I spend my days. All of them. Weekends are no different. If I'm lucky, I make it to scottsdale bible cliquey high school ministry on Wednesdays.
I know this really cool girl, and I really want to hang out with her because I basically have no kindred spirits in my life (if Anne Shirley were here, she would be proud of my word choice.) But I don't know how to hang out with a friend. I don't know what we would do, or where we would go. Or if she would even have fun or not.
I'm getting tired. This is a good thing. Tomorrow's a new day with no mistakes in it. (wow two Anne terms in one post!!)
Picture: this is my computer where I do my work. My red shutters are my favorite part and I always change my screen to a photo I've taken.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
interesting
I just found out, someone I went to kindergarten with, hung out all through elementary, home schooled all through high school, is going to try to major in music at ASU next year. Isn't that the craziest thing you've ever heard!!.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Waltz of the Flowers
I'm playing this for the studio's Christmas performance. It's gonna be my last year. I'm so sad. But so far, reading this piece, I've come to some conclusions:
It's boring and it bugs me.
It's too showy
It reminds me of my ballet-nutcracker years. The years of costumes, and 8 hour rehearsals, stress, running around Horizon High School's auditorium, stage moms, watching them from the corner of your eye in the wings holding clipboards, the stage lights glinting off their glasses, getting screamed at by said moms because you didn't put on your "wings" (special ballet stage eye makeup) yet (6 hrs before the performance.) And the absense of my mom during dress rehearsals and her forced enthusiasm during performances. My dad tagging along--yet asleep through the whole thing--because he overdosed on muscle relaxers. Countless cookie dough sales for the studio. Moms remarking to other moms about their daughter's bodies. IT WAS A CRAZY 4 YEARS.
That's why I don't enjoy my Nutcracker piece.
Friday, September 23, 2011
the Kirke's
Tomorrow my parents get to go with the Kirke's to an ASU game. Their son, Riley was on my dad's 13U team this past year. Riley gets to go to the game also. Eve does not. :(
But, I get to stay home with Dylan (11) and her sister Peyton. (13) But these two girls--like the rest of the family--crack me up. Here's a pic of Dylan from one of the NSLL all-star games in July. She was imitating someone from little people big world.
I choose to party with the kids almost half my age
Monday, September 19, 2011
Hmm
Today in student leadership class we were asked about the different leaders in our life. I only listed my parents because they're the only ones that have positively effected me in my life. All my other coaches/teachers have also, but not to a ground-breaking extent. I was feeling pretty blessed or good about myself, and especially with the next question. "Do you have any good influences in your life?" Duh, this was a yes.
And then, "do you have any bad influences in your life?" I said no, but seconds after that, I said yes in my head. It was odd. I honestly didn't know this person was a bad influence until that moment. It was kind of confusing and disappointing. I feel God has put this person in my life for a reason. A spiritual person once told me I am a comforter for a lot of people and I speak the truth and impact them more than I can imagine. This was serious. Throughout my life I've had certain people placed on my heart, and I've followed through with that and never given up on them. Not sayin I'm perfect, I've definitely had my foot in mouth moments....... But now this is different: this person is influencing me negatively. Yet, I need to be in their life. It's a crazy realization, and something new. I wonder how it will turn out
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
stress
The blood tests showed nothing. We're still deciding on running a test to check for Epstein-Barr and a wheat allergy. But it's most likely that I have chronic fatigue syndrome. It would make so much sense for the things that have occurred:
got shingles when I was 13 because my immune system was so low. This runs in our family, my great grandma had it, my mom and my aunt.
car accident last October sent me into a downward spiral. I suffered from so much back pain in my upper back and shoulders. It never seemed to get better, even though I was going to a chiro. It was hard to do my homework sitting in a chair with my back aching. It felt like someone had an ice pick into my back and shoulders. This caused me to get behind in school and I stressed and stressed and tried to catch up. I never would that semester. In Dec. we went to a different chiro and within the first treatment, I felt my pain drop from a 9 on the 1-10 pain scale, to a 7. Four months later, my pain scale was at a 2. I still have a little discomfort in my shoulders, but I've been working out and it strengthens my muscles around my shoulders. I barely notice anything now..
Unfortunately, during all this stress and trying to recover from the back pain, I got shingles again in April. I took the meds they gave me and it the symptoms went away. Usually shingles doesn't come back. But then again, usually old people get shingles, and I got it when I was 13; nothing should surprise me.
Then I got shingles again in June. That was really weird. I started to notice that a couple of days before it, I would get so extremely exhausted and no amount of working out, food, or sleep could recharge me. So I filed this away and tried really hard the next couple of months to not eat sugar, go to bed, and try to remain free of stress.
Well, it was summer, and I tried really hard to be healthy and rested, but still got shingles again in September.
That was it. We went to the naturopathic doctor and got blood tests done.
So I'm pretty sick of being tired all the time. Every day I get up and feel tired. In the morning, i feel mediocre, but in the afternoon I completely crash. I need a nap usually every day. Sometimes I'll take a nap for 2-3 hours, so I keep these short so I can accomplish homework!!! (Frustrating.)
Then at night, I'm completely wired and can't fall asleep. Then I go to bed late, and wake up early, therefore dropping my immune system lower and lower. It's so annoying, I'm sick of this.
The doctor says my body can't handle stress very well. What could I possibly be stressed about? I guess my body thinks school is the worst thing since polio and freaks out. School doesn't stress me out that much--psychologically.
ANYWAY. I don't even know why I'm still writing this stuff. If your reading this, sorry!
I think I just like clearing my brain a little on this blog. I'm positive only 2 people read my blog as of right now.
Soo yeah. Hopefully I can go to bed early tonight and feel better tomorrow. I hate waking up at 5 for school. I also hope and pray I get better. I can't imagine college like this.
got shingles when I was 13 because my immune system was so low. This runs in our family, my great grandma had it, my mom and my aunt.
car accident last October sent me into a downward spiral. I suffered from so much back pain in my upper back and shoulders. It never seemed to get better, even though I was going to a chiro. It was hard to do my homework sitting in a chair with my back aching. It felt like someone had an ice pick into my back and shoulders. This caused me to get behind in school and I stressed and stressed and tried to catch up. I never would that semester. In Dec. we went to a different chiro and within the first treatment, I felt my pain drop from a 9 on the 1-10 pain scale, to a 7. Four months later, my pain scale was at a 2. I still have a little discomfort in my shoulders, but I've been working out and it strengthens my muscles around my shoulders. I barely notice anything now..
Unfortunately, during all this stress and trying to recover from the back pain, I got shingles again in April. I took the meds they gave me and it the symptoms went away. Usually shingles doesn't come back. But then again, usually old people get shingles, and I got it when I was 13; nothing should surprise me.
Then I got shingles again in June. That was really weird. I started to notice that a couple of days before it, I would get so extremely exhausted and no amount of working out, food, or sleep could recharge me. So I filed this away and tried really hard the next couple of months to not eat sugar, go to bed, and try to remain free of stress.
Well, it was summer, and I tried really hard to be healthy and rested, but still got shingles again in September.
That was it. We went to the naturopathic doctor and got blood tests done.
So I'm pretty sick of being tired all the time. Every day I get up and feel tired. In the morning, i feel mediocre, but in the afternoon I completely crash. I need a nap usually every day. Sometimes I'll take a nap for 2-3 hours, so I keep these short so I can accomplish homework!!! (Frustrating.)
Then at night, I'm completely wired and can't fall asleep. Then I go to bed late, and wake up early, therefore dropping my immune system lower and lower. It's so annoying, I'm sick of this.
The doctor says my body can't handle stress very well. What could I possibly be stressed about? I guess my body thinks school is the worst thing since polio and freaks out. School doesn't stress me out that much--psychologically.
ANYWAY. I don't even know why I'm still writing this stuff. If your reading this, sorry!
I think I just like clearing my brain a little on this blog. I'm positive only 2 people read my blog as of right now.
Soo yeah. Hopefully I can go to bed early tonight and feel better tomorrow. I hate waking up at 5 for school. I also hope and pray I get better. I can't imagine college like this.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
September is lame
I've never liked this month... ever. October--yes. But not September.
Some things that are cool:
I've been doing the worship for the eleven10 service at Scottsdale Bible. I play keyboard. It's the most contemporary service out of the 4 they have on Sundays. That's been great.
And physiology is an amazing class only our teacher is shoving it down out throats. We learn a chapter a day. Our first test will be covering 4 chapters and the test takes about 80 minutes.
Foster the People is all I've been listening to. Usually I hate indie music, but for some reason, Torches is the exception.
I might be getting my hurr done soon. I want to go as light as I can. I'm sick of dark hair all the time.
TCBS is starting this Thursday!!! It will be my last year. I've been dreading this moment since I was a freshman. Seriously, I love this Bible study. I only wish it was back at Scottsdale Bible Chapel instead of Scottsdale Worship Center. It's too small where it is now. Then again, we only have 10 regulars show up anyway. I hope it gets bigger this year.
Some things that are cool:
I've been doing the worship for the eleven10 service at Scottsdale Bible. I play keyboard. It's the most contemporary service out of the 4 they have on Sundays. That's been great.
And physiology is an amazing class only our teacher is shoving it down out throats. We learn a chapter a day. Our first test will be covering 4 chapters and the test takes about 80 minutes.
Foster the People is all I've been listening to. Usually I hate indie music, but for some reason, Torches is the exception.
I might be getting my hurr done soon. I want to go as light as I can. I'm sick of dark hair all the time.
TCBS is starting this Thursday!!! It will be my last year. I've been dreading this moment since I was a freshman. Seriously, I love this Bible study. I only wish it was back at Scottsdale Bible Chapel instead of Scottsdale Worship Center. It's too small where it is now. Then again, we only have 10 regulars show up anyway. I hope it gets bigger this year.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
"I'll take you one indie, and raise you one indie."--Evan
Soo today I woke up with a sore throat, which is super crappy. And on top of that I have shingles again for the 4th time in my life. 3rd time in the past 5 months. This is super rare, and I have blood tests scheduled for Tuesday. Baahhhh....
For the next couple of hours I'll be listening to music.
So far on my list I have,
Cage the Elephant
Drake
Foster the People
Bush
The Pixies
Stone Temple Pilots
Alphaville
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Pearl Jam (of course)
Ill Gin Blossoms
Massive Attack
Meat Puppets
Goo Goo Dolls
Switchfoot
Sublime
The Cure
Mumford and Sons
Modest Mouse.
This unofficial list thanks to Robert who introduces me to amazing music (started with Gorillaz and the rest is history), and Evan who wants me to eventually love ghetto rap. (WE'LL SEE) And Ethan who enjoys Massive Attack. I believe there's a special place in heaven for those who love truly original trip hop.
Last night I went to an SCA football game with 8 girls from KEYS. Half of them lived in Glendale and the other half of us lived in Scottsdale. I had no idea I would know SOOO many people!! It was fun for me, but the rest of my friends were bored. That made things very awkward.
Also, the first person I recognized was this guy named Brad who goes to SCA and was on my dad's 18U team this past summer. I said hi and then he said, "So why are you here?"
"Oh. To watch the football game. My friend's playing."
He started to back away slowly, "Do you go to Fountain Hills?"
"No.."
"Uhm. Well.. ok. Fun. Well nice seeing you again. Bye."
Then walked away.
Very awkward.
My girlfriends started laughing and I was extremely confused. I came to the conclusion he probably thought I was someone else halfway through the conversation. That's always fun. Later, my dad ran into him too, and said he was just confused as to what school I actually went to. So he knew who I was, but didn't understand why I was there.
Less awkward.
Are you bored yet?
Good.
Are you still reading?
I pity you.
So my style has meshed into more grunge/90's minimalist. It's odd! And I've made up my mind I want cornrow braids next summer..Not sure about the upkeep. Can you wash your hair with them?? Serious question. Wow, this post has turned quite hipster in less than 2 minutes. more later!!!
For the next couple of hours I'll be listening to music.
So far on my list I have,
Cage the Elephant
Drake
Foster the People
Bush
The Pixies
Stone Temple Pilots
Alphaville
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Pearl Jam (of course)
Ill Gin Blossoms
Massive Attack
Meat Puppets
Goo Goo Dolls
Switchfoot
Sublime
The Cure
Mumford and Sons
Modest Mouse.
This unofficial list thanks to Robert who introduces me to amazing music (started with Gorillaz and the rest is history), and Evan who wants me to eventually love ghetto rap. (WE'LL SEE) And Ethan who enjoys Massive Attack. I believe there's a special place in heaven for those who love truly original trip hop.
Last night I went to an SCA football game with 8 girls from KEYS. Half of them lived in Glendale and the other half of us lived in Scottsdale. I had no idea I would know SOOO many people!! It was fun for me, but the rest of my friends were bored. That made things very awkward.
Also, the first person I recognized was this guy named Brad who goes to SCA and was on my dad's 18U team this past summer. I said hi and then he said, "So why are you here?"
"Oh. To watch the football game. My friend's playing."
He started to back away slowly, "Do you go to Fountain Hills?"
"No.."
"Uhm. Well.. ok. Fun. Well nice seeing you again. Bye."
Then walked away.
Very awkward.
My girlfriends started laughing and I was extremely confused. I came to the conclusion he probably thought I was someone else halfway through the conversation. That's always fun. Later, my dad ran into him too, and said he was just confused as to what school I actually went to. So he knew who I was, but didn't understand why I was there.
Less awkward.
Are you bored yet?
Good.
Are you still reading?
I pity you.
So my style has meshed into more grunge/90's minimalist. It's odd! And I've made up my mind I want cornrow braids next summer..Not sure about the upkeep. Can you wash your hair with them?? Serious question. Wow, this post has turned quite hipster in less than 2 minutes. more later!!!
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