went rollerblading with mom tonight and then worked out. IT'S SO NICE HERE. Scottsdale, I will never complain about your 'coldness,' after Indiana, I'm pretty sure I can stand anything.


working with my redscale film. I'm about halfway through the roll!

Sighh

"We never change do we? No, no
We never learn do we?
I wanna live in a wooden house
Where making more friends could be easy.
Oh I wanna live where the sun comes out..."

coldplaycoldplaycoldplay..
On mah mind.

It hurtss. How much you want people to change. Oh it hurts

Vacay

I'm going to a very cold place.
I will basically stay inside my grandparents house all day and hopefully make a trip out to Chicago on Wednesday. (If anyone is willing to take me.)
So does anyone have music on their mind? Leave a comment with an artist or an album I should listen to.
My grandma and aunt both said there is gonna be a 'surprise' when we come. This could range from a new type of cranberry sauce, to a cousin dropping by for a day.
I'm taking 2 curling irons with me. I'll have a lot of time on my hands. It's getting ridiculous how inept I am at curling my hair. Must learn.
Also might buy 2 rolls of film tomorrow morning and jerry rig them for one roll of redscale film. The bare trees will inspire me up there...I know it
Picture: a tumbleweed Christmas tree in downtown Chandler.

Black Friday

And no I don't mean Rebecca...
*badam TSH*
i have successfully avoided ever venturing into this scary world for 17 years. Although I'm thinking this year will be different:  we are visiting my dad's parents in IN. My Aunt is really big into these shopping days and my grandma hinted at going shopping. I am jumping to the conclusion that at 2am Friday morning I will be prodded out of bed and into frigid temperatures of 27*-30* and stand in line with a thermos with my thin jacket and even thinner AZ blood. Buy a few shoes and odd trinkets, maybe watch my aunt wrestle a few people to the ground, and stare painfully out the doors to watch the rising sun wishing I was in AZ. This will only punctuate my horrid experience and suddenly I will become aware of my location:  a drab grey, strip mall located in a  random town in Indiana between Portage and the curve of the earth.
Soo cynical ;)

He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. -Prov 17:9

thoughts:
in dialogue:

I don't know how to get through to you

I feel like I can really do something. but it's not the right time. I'll know when it's time.

the most disheartening thing in the world is when you discover someone doesn't 'get it.'

I wish other people could see you how I see you

how much does prayer really work? why do I feel guilty when I don't pray for you.

as long as I've been in high school, you've been stuck there. It's like you're dead. Your absence is stifling.

school was just way too long

sOrry

Here's my big Canadian apology:
I'm sorry for a lot of things,
friendship is somewhat hard for me.
I'm going to try harder.
You deserve it.

Coldplay

my first love

this matches the sky today

In a little over a month from today, we will be on winter break and semester 1 of my last year of high school will be over. It's all going too fast.

March 2010

An excerpt from the moments that made sense for the first time.

3 things

Christmas is coming.
Just bought this great record. Love his voice during Christmas.
Reading Antigone for school. I love used books to read from.
And Hugh Laurie 'Let Them Talk' I seriously want to go to New Orleans now.

listening to this just makes life feel worth everything

Yep

It is what it is.
I've resigned to the fact life basically boils down to that one phrase. After the pity parties, the failed attempts at maturity, the stuck smiles, the slew of 'hi-bye' friends that leave you in the dust, the crushed quests for someone who cares, and the disappointment that feels like snapping you in half.
It is what it is.

November

This month's theme is amazing albums.
So far I've discovered
Vice Verses--Switchfoot
Heligoland--Massive Attack
Let Them Talk--Hugh Laurie

Yes, you read that right. Hugh Laurie.
I saw this on PBS and fell in love with it. Went to Barnes and Noble yesterday and saw the album was for sale! Egads! It's amazing. He is so versatile--and HILARIOUS. THIS is a must-see.

siiiigh

I have homework to do, and church to go to tonight at 4:44.
But I want so much to sit here, stare out the window and listen to Heligoland. :(

hey there, winter.
I've been dreading you and your cold mornings, but this year, I might actually enjoy you!
Thanks to something called skiing--which I recently discovered.
and college football--which just keeps getting better.

"Oh no," mourned my mom from the couch,  "It's starting already."
I danced in front of the tv as ASU made the first turnover of the night. I was going crazy. I did the whole cheerleader high-kick and everything. Mom just sat there motionless in her pre-nap cocoon of a giant green blanket and moaned, "Whyyyyyyy?"

SAT

I have come to the conclusion, the people who make the SAT--like credit card companies--are pure evil.
The ACT's? Not so much. You're actually testing on things you know.
But the SAT is a cruel, confusing game.
Who in their right mind would make you take a test to see if you're "smart enough" to go to college?
ASU is even worse. They only want your combined math and reading scores. NOT YOUR WRITING.
What kind of college doesn't look at your writing scores?!
If I don't get a higher score tomorrow, community college is on the horizon.

the sky is no longer blue (!)

what a crappy, hazy day.
I absolutely love it.

It's that time of year again

When drama creeps in slowly day-by-day.
Before you know it, we're suddenly strangers.

Catch 22

I have to practice piano today.
If practice piano, I won't get to study for my test.
If I don't study for my test, I fail.
If I fail, my GPA will go down.
If my GPA  goes down, I can't get into college.
If I study for my test, I won't get to study for my SAT.
If I don't study for my SAT, I get a low score.
If I get a low score, I won't get into college.
If I don't practice piano, I won't make my college audition.

Thoughts on yesterday | | | | | | | ||||||||||||||||||||||| | | | | | | | | | | | |


Why is it the people you dislike from the start, eventually end up being your close friends?
And the people you choose out of a crowd to be friends with, end up being super annoying?
Then there's the people in between; you vacillate between hating them and loving them.

Well, lemme just say, I can joke around about myself, and I don't mind people repeating it a coupla times, but NOT 30 times throughout the day, and spreading the joke around the school. Seriously. Words get to you after awhile.
And I also dislike snide comments and slights. Again, I'm an uncomplicated person; if you're going to slam me, do it outright. Besides, people have no idea how much I hold back during these times. I could dismantle them if I wanted to. Usually I just shut my mouth and feel kind of sad.

Maybe this is something I need to work on, maybe I take things too personally. But after nightmare 9th grade, there's no way I can be that strong-willed and defensive again. oh myy...

80's hair bands and jazzercise

OCT 30 
"80's hair bands.  when girls were pretty and the guys were even prettier."

Koby, Stu, and Timmons told me to come to church because they were gonna be dressed up as guys from an 80's hair band. I didn't ask any questions, but instead decided to come.

When I got there tonight, the whole place was crawling with high schoolers dressed up in costumes.  There was the lumberjack boy's group, the 80's band group, the girls jazzercise group, the girls despicable me group, and the girls pajama group.  I was so taken aback at the lengths these people went with their costumes! Before I knew it, someone handed me an extra pair of teal tights, red running shorts, lime green shirt, headband, and scrunchie.  Then I found myself running around PV mall, Target, McDonald's, and the old Krispy Kreme drive in with 30 other Jazzercise girls looking for the clues on the scavenger hunt.  Totally out of my comfort zone, being thrust into a stituation like this. But I didn't mind, and it was the most fun I've had in a long time. :)

BTW KOBY STU AND TIMMONS LOOKED FRIKIN HILARIOUS