when you were here

You taught me to be young and child-like. Even at 19.
You got me hooked on banana Cold Stone with sprinkles and gummy bears.
I remember your awesome Dback's themed room with the flat screen tv and loft. Hard to imagine you were just 17 and already making bank.
I remember when we named our dog after you. You thought it was such an honor. Even after we told you it was because she was so A.D.D.
You told some of the best stories with your brother. Like that one time you threw a gatorade bottle right through the bedroom door while your mom was gone.
You always loved rocking out to this one part in my Mozart piece. I'd play it over and over for you.
And all those late nights with you, my mom and me improvising Heart and Soul on the piano.
Every thanksgiving was party. A 'baking til 4 am party', and playing pranks on whoever fell asleep first.
You had a great taste in music. You introduced me to Peter Gabriel that one time we came over to swim.

Well now I'm passing you in age. Or at least I'm getting older than my last memory of you.
I had a dream you were back. This afternoon I heard this song, thought of you, and my heart sank to remember you aren't here with us. How could I be so stupid to believe a dream? You aren't back, you aren't here.
You're not free yet.

reminders

Drama semester just got a little less dramatic.

The epicenter of all drama just asked for my forgiveness.
I blanched. But eventually forgave.
My outlook has changed a little; some wrongs were made right.
It was a long time coming, and now I just so want to move on.

thoughts:
in dialogue:

I don't know how to get through to you

I feel like I can really do something. but it's not the right time. I'll know when it's time.

the most disheartening thing in the world is when you discover someone doesn't 'get it.'

I wish other people could see you how I see you

how much does prayer really work? why do I feel guilty when I don't pray for you.

as long as I've been in high school, you've been stuck there. It's like you're dead. Your absence is stifling.