I have to write/finish 5 papers tonight. Most of them are with my Asian teacher who can't speak english very well and relies heavily on rubrics. Basically, if your paper isn't fiting the rubric AKA "The Box" then you'll get docked points. I hate having to write FOR somebody. If I write for myself, and the way I've been trained I get a C. I can't believe how static this paper is turning out--THIS boring drivel is what gets me an A? I don't get it.
Is it because I don't know how to give 80% work? That I've been used to overachieving and putting in 150% my whole life?
I need to get good grades or I'll fail. If I fail I will get my financial aid taken away.
I can't believe I'm putting my grades ahead of my piano. I haven't practiced piano (with quality) in the past two days. TWO DAYS. I need to make this audition!!!!
I MUST survive until December 11th. Right now, I don't know if I can make it without having a legit breakdown.
It's been over 30 days and I still can't get my schedule to work out. Am I incapable of managing my time? Is my perfectionism making it impossible to complete tasks? I never procrastinate. I'm always working on homework. Every day. No matter how much I work on things I can never get them done right.
----EDIT----
Mom just told me it's "too late for a breakdown." She took one look at my melted-cheese face and puffy eyes and went right away to make me some dinner.
"Can't I just have one weekend where I'm not doing school and concentrate on other things?" I wailed.
"It's college." Mom bellowed, "And no you don't get a break! Because everybody else is partying their "butt" off and flunking out!"
My head hurts. I don't know what just happened. First I'm hyperventilating, then I'm eating, and now I'm sitting in silence. I think I need to schedule meals into my life.
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