New Years

things about tonight:

I feel so DANG old I can't even stand it. I remember each night of every new years eve:

2008 I thought my life would end because of a super melodramatic text conversation.
2009 I thought my life was sooo lame because all my friends were in public school & I wasn't
2010 I don't remember thinking much, I went to bed early
2011 I'm practicing piano

Looks like life is getting better the more the years go by!

2nd Semester

It's hard to imagine it's related to 1st semester.

2nd semester is so different from 1st. It's the time when friendships solidify, or break apart.
When the REAL studying starts -- unless you're a senior, then you don't care.
It's when you try to make more time for friends, or more time for yourself. It's the wonderful time of spring; and the sports and dances that go with it.
I'm not looking forward to spring. But at the same time I am!

I can't imagine balancing 4 hr piano practice and a season of softball into my weeks.

I'm so bored with the people I know, yet if they were missing in my life, I'd be incomplete.

Schoolwork is death, and now were adding college apps.

I have about 5 people asking, NO relentlessly reminding me to put pictures up on Facebook and other sites. (yeah, I'll get right on that)

Prom is coming up? Any thoughts so far? NONE.

Audition coming up? Well, IF I get accepted...

Valentines day... Usually I hand make about 25.

Shopping. I need clothes. Seriously.

Room. I need to clean you. It's looking like war-torn Somalia in here.
So yeah! I have to read 3 books, watch 2 movies, do a physiology lab, and complete an economics project before the 9th.

But on the 3rd is the big AZ HEAT vs EVAC basketball game! Huge rivalry. Last year's game was so close and pretty much glorious....I lost my voice cheering. A couple of my girl friends are gonna hang out at someone's house before going to the game. I'm really looking forward to that, I need to see people. It's been a month of staying in  the house and battling college apps, transcripts, lab science examples, piano practice, Christmas, and new years. AHH.. I'm really hoping this insanity will pay off. I want time for myself pretty soon.

so...

about the odd poems and vague posts,
I don't really know why I posted them?
I have been reading too many tumblr's, I suppose.
I promise I'm not an angsty teen, or depressed, or anything.
I only feel a need to keep posting.

Christmas was fun, it definitely wasn't picture perfect, but I still had a blast. Some significant presents this year for me was a ski helmet that has headphones for music, 5 Bath and Body Works shower gels, and a 1977 Minolta XG 1 SLR with zoom lens and attachable flash. My grandpa recently found this in his garage; he bought it years ago and forgot about it.  He gave it to me after I expressed interest in it. MINT CONDISH.
I can't believe I have this camera. It's so amazing.
My 35 mm Cameras:
Canon Rebel G SLR with 50-75mm lens
Yashica Electro 35 GSN
Minolta XG 1 with 22-210 mm lens

I also have a Kodak No. 2 Folding Cartridge Hawk Eye Model 2 (1920's-1930's ?)
and a Spencer Full-Vue TLR. (1940's?)
both take 120 film.

And then my Canon Digital Rebel XTi SLR.

That's my collection so far!
I need to develop my redscale film, and then see how the Minolta works. I think it needs new batteries. :/

Sad Day

When you run a mile then look down at the treadmill and discover you've only burned 118 calories :((

Getting back in shape:  it's gonna be a long road

Picture:  favorite shirt.. and I'm always cold!!! WHEN IS SUMMER

Correlations

Funny how tables turn 180 degrees from Freshman to Senior year with people you know.

3 years ago this would have been wonderful

3 years later, it's hardly a big deal at all

Kinda sad?

Nah

Evan wiping out in Alaska.. skiing a face

don't know why I can't rotate this :C

Backyard adventures

Taking care of Timmons' animals. His cat is so cute yet so demonic. as cats usually are bahaha C:

I got this on fb. Yay me?

skype

skype

I usually don't use this

But I really like it now. I've skyped 2 days in a row!
I've been sitting in my house doing nothing but chores and piano for a week. This is literally getting me through christmas break.

I feel my social life coming back to life

Birthday is

To start it all by dreaming about a special unrelased Doors song and hearing it in your sleep, only to wake up and discover it doesn't exist
A time to stress about college
Over think Christmas decorations.
Wonder why you don't feel festive
Take a breath from the past semester
Realize everything and everyone you met
Become lonely for one friend out of many
Snap yourself out of it
Ask 'why' way too many times
Feel as old as the hills
Wish so desperately for a time machine
Wish for an actual 'Christmas break'
Think about the future
Think about a year from now. Total 180
Look forward to skiing
Dread audition
Eat 3 burritos in one day
Laugh at your hilarious parents
Plan what to do with your hair in the next 6 months
Text people, read posts, Skype friends
Take care of timmons cat and dog
Decorate tree with half-lidded eyes
Laugh at your hilarious parents
Try to go to bed, but feel hungry

Children's TV

Just plain frightening.
How could this possibly be cute...it looks like a tumor.

Don't ask how I found this on tv.

President of the 2AM Club

Paper is done.

This paper is dragging on.

I'm writing about something in which I have no idea.  Matt Forte's MCL injury.

I'm writing in APA format, in which I have never learned.

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooo confused

gonna get my christmas tree tonight!

hopefully I'll finish my paper in time

Filling out U of A's application now :(

life is too short

so many things are pressing on my mind:

filling out applications to a bunch of universities.
a paper DUE in 9 hours that I haven't started, and other incomplete assignments due.
4 hours of piano
christmas preparations
final grades MISSING from every math class I ever took (AHHHH)
and finishing transcripts.

but for some reason, none of this is bugging me.
Either I'm just in a lottt of denial or I just don't care anymore.

and why should I care? life is too short.

The Healing

working through things from years ago

christmas party tonight! I'm quite excited for that

ready to begin the new semester

UNKLE's "The Healing" on my mind. I'd link it, but the cover art is uncharacteristically sketchy.

December is for Albums

Found this and it's really good. Totally 'December'

It's 8

I think I'll go listen to Odyssey on the radio. just cuz

Teen Challenge

A teen challenge guy came to our doorstep.
Mom wanted me to step outside and listen to his testimony, but  I didn't have makeup on and my hair was a mess. Seconds later, I heard bits of a conversation and wanted to be out there too, besides I was being ridiculous about the whole appearance thing.
His name was Adam. He had an incredible story. We soon found out that he was home schooled and grew up in the church until he was 13 and then his parents went through a divorce, his dad became an alcoholic and he was put in public school. It was there where he tried marijuana for the first time. Fast forward a few years later, he faced 3-5 years in prison for assault and breaking into homes for heroin money.
He got out on a complete miracle. God gave him a second chance. Then he went to Teen Challenge.

I was floored. He was so on fire for Christ I could hardly get over it. Only 19, his life had been shattered, but rebuilt and restored completely by Christ. Now he wants to be a counselor and pastor
I'm so glad this happened today. A few things came to mind when he left:

what are some addictions in MY life?

what is the big picture?

are we really living life, just to live?

does it have to take a terrible drug-ridden life to have a close relationship with the Lord?

what am I meant to do?




a song on my mind today

4th favorite album of all time

I wonder

Sometimes I wonder at how many nights of my life that I've looked at this crack in my bronze antique lamp.
It's been in my room for 17 years.

Goodwill never happened.

not sure why.

I should just stop planning things ahead hahah. Christmas preparations are gonna take up all of my life. I have so many college apps to fill out. :((

goodwill

might be going to Fountain Hill's Goodwill with Brooke.

It's going to be a beautiful day.

I want to ski on Friday for my birthday! Not sure how that will work out with practicing piano, but I'll figure it out.

As for my actually birth date, I'm not doing anything. Christmas kind of messes plans up. lol

today I will drop off my redscale pictures for developing.

I didn't finish the whole roll because I've been hearing some 'crunching' when I advance the film. Next time, I'm using my old 35 mm Canon SLR instead of the Yashika.

So to minimize disappointment of discovering I've been exposing the same frame over and over, I'm just going to develop what I have. Pricey.
The things we do for film

I met you with a wary handshake. You had a wool pea coat, dusty skin, and stony eyes.
 
To the absolute unlovable I was pulled, and forever will be.  

Your browbones sat like lofty balconies to the eyes.

Perhaps at one time your bright eyes surveyed the view below, when ambitions were young and the stage was empty--waiting to be filled.

It wasn't long before the shadows pulsed in the mezzanine in tiny wisps.

You replaced the velveteen curtains with a much brighter color, but still the shadows climbed the walls.

They grew into roots, sticking out, sliming under the floor.

They burst through, the wretched, wrinkled roots, in a mix of powder and plaster around your head.

From then on, it was damage control

The years passed in a blur of a montage of sights and sounds bookmarked by the protagonist waiting in the wings.

He stepped out for a duel.

He was just like you. Soft, safe, ambitious. Except for his stony eyes.

With this debut, His ripples spread around you, pulling, tugging, pushing.

You could feel them in the darkest of nights, never relenting until they reached their goal.

The blood bath began onstage. Strike! Curse! Resist! Alas, He became You.

Abandoned, dark, and silent, the stage sat empty and unable to recover.

Shabby trees grew in the lobby, fed only by the squares of light that escaped through rusted tin tiles.

You asked yourself, "How long can something degrade until it is lost forever?"

No answer came, and none ever did.

Year-after-year the pain multiplied ten-fold.

Children explored the place, speculating about its former state.

Yet, imaginations failed to conjure such grandeur.

Your broken pieces dashed inside of you, trying to escape the pain of destruction that never releases.

In the midst of darkness, She saw the grandeur.

This simple handshake was an acknowledgement of the deserted theatre of your psyche.

It was as if she ventured into the lobby, unafraid.

Her bated breath escaped to mix with tiny ice crystals in the air.

The worn banister ached at the cool touch of her reverent fingers.

Each step was tentative:  she took care around the broken steps.

She removed the heavy curtains and wrapped them around the whole sun.

Not even the beating wings of hunched bats caused her to cower as they fled from one dissolved beam to the next.

This long-awaited life began to throb in the hallways.

Finally, He caught her looking into his spot in the balcony. And She caught his attention forever.

His imploring eyes would meet her gaze.

Throughout the day, and in passing, their gaze held.

"I'm looking at you again." His eyes seemed to say to Hers in unison.

"We do this a lot." Her eyes sparkled to his, again in unison.

"Part of me, dare I say, is enjoying this."

"Likewise. Though, people may notice our glances."

"Even She."

"There is a She?"

"Yes."

"I've met her.  We are equals, I am like Her, but instead I desired your sadness. She does not."

"For this reason, You and I should be together."

"But not forever."

"Not forever."

"Not never."

"Not ever."

current music interests

KiD CuDi
Passion Pit
Kanye West
Gnarls Barkley
Depeche Mode
Unkle

I've basically been living on the green corduroy couch with my laptop for the past three days. When this Youth and Government thing is over, I'm going to cry epic tears of happiness.

all my titles are turning into 'sigh'

Uggg.
Sometimes I just want to escape it all. It's crazy to think the stuff that occurred the past 4 years actually happened at all. It's so odd, awkward, mesmerizing, hilarious, sweet, and painful.
haha I used to hate it when people used blogs as an outlet for existential rants, and now my blog is turning out to be one of them.  WELL. Guess what people, I'm a human, and humans have emotions and memories. And I just happen to have a really crazy memory.
one of these days I'll post old entries I wrote in freshman-sophomore year. I find them interesting. A way of seeing how somebody matures intellectually. I just gotta find where I put those notebooks hahah.

recent discovery

Something about this band reminds me of winter. Especially in Indiana.

stop dissing me

this is a final warning

don't make me become 9th grade Eve again

Once

We were taught to check off the boxes

We were taught to reach; to consume.

Aligning it all under our eyes, they laid the blanket out.

Between wrong and wrong, we chose right.

Hailed as the chosen ones, the world followed us; exalted us; had nothing left for us, and dropped us off into silence.

Sometimes I have this idea of myself. Slightly over-inflated, even idealistic.. and then I look in a mirror or watch a video of myself and I'm basically myself. All the time.
It's comforting
It's disappointing

The Midwest is so dreary in the fall. I passed a cornfield and had to look away. It was exactly like the abduction scene in The Lovely Bones

sometimes I feel I'll always be chasing for that best friend. or that idea of one.
so popular, yet I always find myself spending weekends with my thoughts.

I'd rather watch Clueless than do school

mock trial tomorrow.
going up against the 'dream team' --as coined by Sam.
our team overly prepared.
as the prosecution for Antigone Vs. The State, I have a feeling tomorrow's going to be difficult.
Michael called me and tried to ask for help. They hadn't even started until 3 this afternoon. so that's the only thing that gives me a little hope.
tomorrow is going to be very fun.
I might leave school early tomorrow. soooo done with study hall/student leadership. I'm totally dropping that class next semester. I need a life.

so my birthday is coming up! gah, gotta start planning for that. no problem right? when you're in the middle of finals, model-leg, audition preparation, and planning to host christmas.

totally feeling  back in time today.



I practiced piano for 4 hours. it wasn't as mind-numbing as I thought. I liked having enough time to drill and fix parts. 2 hours wouldn't have cut it.

I miss rollerblading!

2nd semester is the Drama Semester. I can already feel it brewing. can I be at ASU yet?

Two winters

blanched

today it was wayy cold.
And the sky was hazy and all the colors were faded and false like a tungsten filter.
So, naturally, I got home and listened to Robert Plant's solo album "The Principle of Moments" on vinyl.
Not his best work, but there's about 3 great songs.
This played through my head all day.

went rollerblading with mom tonight and then worked out. IT'S SO NICE HERE. Scottsdale, I will never complain about your 'coldness,' after Indiana, I'm pretty sure I can stand anything.


working with my redscale film. I'm about halfway through the roll!

Sighh

"We never change do we? No, no
We never learn do we?
I wanna live in a wooden house
Where making more friends could be easy.
Oh I wanna live where the sun comes out..."

coldplaycoldplaycoldplay..
On mah mind.

It hurtss. How much you want people to change. Oh it hurts

Vacay

I'm going to a very cold place.
I will basically stay inside my grandparents house all day and hopefully make a trip out to Chicago on Wednesday. (If anyone is willing to take me.)
So does anyone have music on their mind? Leave a comment with an artist or an album I should listen to.
My grandma and aunt both said there is gonna be a 'surprise' when we come. This could range from a new type of cranberry sauce, to a cousin dropping by for a day.
I'm taking 2 curling irons with me. I'll have a lot of time on my hands. It's getting ridiculous how inept I am at curling my hair. Must learn.
Also might buy 2 rolls of film tomorrow morning and jerry rig them for one roll of redscale film. The bare trees will inspire me up there...I know it
Picture: a tumbleweed Christmas tree in downtown Chandler.

Black Friday

And no I don't mean Rebecca...
*badam TSH*
i have successfully avoided ever venturing into this scary world for 17 years. Although I'm thinking this year will be different:  we are visiting my dad's parents in IN. My Aunt is really big into these shopping days and my grandma hinted at going shopping. I am jumping to the conclusion that at 2am Friday morning I will be prodded out of bed and into frigid temperatures of 27*-30* and stand in line with a thermos with my thin jacket and even thinner AZ blood. Buy a few shoes and odd trinkets, maybe watch my aunt wrestle a few people to the ground, and stare painfully out the doors to watch the rising sun wishing I was in AZ. This will only punctuate my horrid experience and suddenly I will become aware of my location:  a drab grey, strip mall located in a  random town in Indiana between Portage and the curve of the earth.
Soo cynical ;)

He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. -Prov 17:9

thoughts:
in dialogue:

I don't know how to get through to you

I feel like I can really do something. but it's not the right time. I'll know when it's time.

the most disheartening thing in the world is when you discover someone doesn't 'get it.'

I wish other people could see you how I see you

how much does prayer really work? why do I feel guilty when I don't pray for you.

as long as I've been in high school, you've been stuck there. It's like you're dead. Your absence is stifling.

school was just way too long

sOrry

Here's my big Canadian apology:
I'm sorry for a lot of things,
friendship is somewhat hard for me.
I'm going to try harder.
You deserve it.

Coldplay

my first love

this matches the sky today

In a little over a month from today, we will be on winter break and semester 1 of my last year of high school will be over. It's all going too fast.

March 2010

An excerpt from the moments that made sense for the first time.

3 things

Christmas is coming.
Just bought this great record. Love his voice during Christmas.
Reading Antigone for school. I love used books to read from.
And Hugh Laurie 'Let Them Talk' I seriously want to go to New Orleans now.

listening to this just makes life feel worth everything

Yep

It is what it is.
I've resigned to the fact life basically boils down to that one phrase. After the pity parties, the failed attempts at maturity, the stuck smiles, the slew of 'hi-bye' friends that leave you in the dust, the crushed quests for someone who cares, and the disappointment that feels like snapping you in half.
It is what it is.

November

This month's theme is amazing albums.
So far I've discovered
Vice Verses--Switchfoot
Heligoland--Massive Attack
Let Them Talk--Hugh Laurie

Yes, you read that right. Hugh Laurie.
I saw this on PBS and fell in love with it. Went to Barnes and Noble yesterday and saw the album was for sale! Egads! It's amazing. He is so versatile--and HILARIOUS. THIS is a must-see.

siiiigh

I have homework to do, and church to go to tonight at 4:44.
But I want so much to sit here, stare out the window and listen to Heligoland. :(

hey there, winter.
I've been dreading you and your cold mornings, but this year, I might actually enjoy you!
Thanks to something called skiing--which I recently discovered.
and college football--which just keeps getting better.

"Oh no," mourned my mom from the couch,  "It's starting already."
I danced in front of the tv as ASU made the first turnover of the night. I was going crazy. I did the whole cheerleader high-kick and everything. Mom just sat there motionless in her pre-nap cocoon of a giant green blanket and moaned, "Whyyyyyyy?"

SAT

I have come to the conclusion, the people who make the SAT--like credit card companies--are pure evil.
The ACT's? Not so much. You're actually testing on things you know.
But the SAT is a cruel, confusing game.
Who in their right mind would make you take a test to see if you're "smart enough" to go to college?
ASU is even worse. They only want your combined math and reading scores. NOT YOUR WRITING.
What kind of college doesn't look at your writing scores?!
If I don't get a higher score tomorrow, community college is on the horizon.

the sky is no longer blue (!)

what a crappy, hazy day.
I absolutely love it.

It's that time of year again

When drama creeps in slowly day-by-day.
Before you know it, we're suddenly strangers.

Catch 22

I have to practice piano today.
If practice piano, I won't get to study for my test.
If I don't study for my test, I fail.
If I fail, my GPA will go down.
If my GPA  goes down, I can't get into college.
If I study for my test, I won't get to study for my SAT.
If I don't study for my SAT, I get a low score.
If I get a low score, I won't get into college.
If I don't practice piano, I won't make my college audition.

Thoughts on yesterday | | | | | | | ||||||||||||||||||||||| | | | | | | | | | | | |


Why is it the people you dislike from the start, eventually end up being your close friends?
And the people you choose out of a crowd to be friends with, end up being super annoying?
Then there's the people in between; you vacillate between hating them and loving them.

Well, lemme just say, I can joke around about myself, and I don't mind people repeating it a coupla times, but NOT 30 times throughout the day, and spreading the joke around the school. Seriously. Words get to you after awhile.
And I also dislike snide comments and slights. Again, I'm an uncomplicated person; if you're going to slam me, do it outright. Besides, people have no idea how much I hold back during these times. I could dismantle them if I wanted to. Usually I just shut my mouth and feel kind of sad.

Maybe this is something I need to work on, maybe I take things too personally. But after nightmare 9th grade, there's no way I can be that strong-willed and defensive again. oh myy...

80's hair bands and jazzercise

OCT 30 
"80's hair bands.  when girls were pretty and the guys were even prettier."

Koby, Stu, and Timmons told me to come to church because they were gonna be dressed up as guys from an 80's hair band. I didn't ask any questions, but instead decided to come.

When I got there tonight, the whole place was crawling with high schoolers dressed up in costumes.  There was the lumberjack boy's group, the 80's band group, the girls jazzercise group, the girls despicable me group, and the girls pajama group.  I was so taken aback at the lengths these people went with their costumes! Before I knew it, someone handed me an extra pair of teal tights, red running shorts, lime green shirt, headband, and scrunchie.  Then I found myself running around PV mall, Target, McDonald's, and the old Krispy Kreme drive in with 30 other Jazzercise girls looking for the clues on the scavenger hunt.  Totally out of my comfort zone, being thrust into a stituation like this. But I didn't mind, and it was the most fun I've had in a long time. :)

BTW KOBY STU AND TIMMONS LOOKED FRIKIN HILARIOUS

This worldview paper needs to end!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh homework. Ahhhhhhhh!

Glad I found this. Fascinating. Love the visuals.

Stuffs

This month has been absolutely amazing.
Surrounded by the best of friends.
The most interesting groups.
Nobody hindered by the norm.
This is what happens when you put 200 homeschoolers of all ages in one building 2 x a week.

Tumblr is weird. I can't figure it out. I don't want one. It's too hipster. Sometimes the most creative things are the most subtle.

The best world series game ever happened tonite and I missed it. I was at Bible study. *eye ball roll*

Also a friend I know is changing. But it's mutual. Seeing this change is surreal. It's like watching them through a glass. I'm still a part of Friend's life.
I took last year for granted because I never thought this interaction would go away. It's crazy to watch people grow up, and they're only a year younger than you!

Today I pulled a prank. It was the most exhilarating thing ever. After running away from victim's doorstep in broad daylight/sunglasses and driving away, I felt like I could do anything.! Adrenaline junkie!

My physiology teacher ranted about the evils of government healthcare for a full 10 min. Hi, can I be you when I grow up?

I beat Bryce Newman in pool today.

Homecoming tomorrow

Homecoming

Gotta find a dress today....... Sigh!
This is gonna be a real chore.

today

ready to conquer today and get work done! I want a free weekend
wantwantwantwantwantwant
needneedneedneedneedneed

switchfoot

I went to the Switchfoot concert totally last minute, last night. I hung out with some random people from Josh Timmons' church.  These were people I didn't even know.
I jammed to 'Restless,' 'Meant to Live,' and 'The Sound' surrounded by a random 9th grade guy from Chaparral, and a man with large, obtrusive shoulders.  This made for very minimal fist-pumping on my part. :(
Grand Canyon University is in SUCH a sketchy part of town. Once I started seeing bars on windows, laundry mats, check cashing and payday loan centers, I started feeling nervous. I'm so Scottsdale.
I ran into 25 people last night.  It was like a convention of random people I've known from Bible studies, SBC, KEYS, other co-ops and the baseball world.
IHOP was fun; but the 2 am bedtime was notttttt.

I can't end this friendship. Not when it's at such a critical stage.

  Proverbs 24:11-12 Deliver those who are drawn toward death, And hold back those stumbling to the slaughter. If you say, “Surely we did not know this,” Does not He who weighs the hearts consider it? He who keeps your soul, does He not know it? And will He not render to each man according to his deeds? 


 James 5:19-20 Brethren, if anyone among you wanders from the truth, and someone turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins.

Study hall

Maggie was sketched out on lack of sleep and preferred the floor rather than a chair.
Sequence is also the best strategy game ever.
Our study hall has the worst colors. I want to find the person who decided to use fiesta colors and shake him.

Stress recovery

This is my week to deactivate my Facebook, my Twitter, and my tv addiction. I need to get my life in order. I need to recover and my immune system needs to heal. I must start a routine. I must be organized and prepared. I've been praying and reading the Bible a lot the past 2 weeks. Which leads me to a devastating decision: I have a friendship I have to limit.. hopefully temporarily. It's stressing me out. I'm praying a lot about it this week.

I Am Not A Complex Person

I am tired of: being around complex people. pretending to care. trying to understand.

l00k gaise i'm on utoob!

Inception

I just got the soundtrack on my phone so now I can set my alarm to be the 'kick' music. I'm so psyched

BREAKFAST

Shaun White
Coolest dude alive. Next to Bieber

SBC

I love serving here.
The worship team feels like my peeps. High school ministry? Not so much.
I only go for the message and the worship. The kids are cliquey and my core group leader is a flake.
BUT OH WELL.
Probably playing in eleven10 this Sunday. Yay

Pics:
The Town Centre (essentially a gym with a marquee)
The high school ministry kids from afar, congregating outside.

Sorry about the rant

Today went fine and I'm feeling much better. My angsty post last night was so...angsty. I guess I was just stressed. In actuality, I had a great weekend. I went to a dbacks game on Friday with my dad and got to experience the moment the diamondbacks clinched the NL west division title. The whole place shook. I swear all 42,606 people lost control that night. So amazing. Then on Saturday I hung out with some amazing kids while my parents went to the ASU game. I'll have to post some videos and pictures on here it was so much fun.

So wired right now

I hate this.
I hate this stress
This school
Not having any time for myself
I hate that my room is a sty.
I hate that I can't be creative because I'm doing work for classes that won't matter in 8 months.
It's disappointing how I have this amazing photography idea I want to do but will probably never get to do it.
I hate discipline.
I hate scales.
I can't stand taking two steps forward and one step back
I'm tired of putting on a front at school. Some days I wish I could show up, and not talk to anybody all day.
I'm sick of people who think high school is the only reality there is. Why can't they see the big picture??
I'm so bored of texting.
I'm so bored of Facebook.
It bugs me how screwed up my adrenals are.
I can't believe I'm gonna be waking up in 5 hours.
I'm sick of dragging through the days.
I'm sick of feeling like Rip van Winkle after taking an unexpected 3 hr nap.
I wrote an extended metaphor on 'fog' for a class and you know what? I actually enjoyed myself. I felt very Emily Dickinson. It was the first time I've advanced creatively in 3 years.
3 years!!!!! It's insane.
Why did I do that co-op for two years, it amounted to nothing. Just a lot of stress, mediocrity, and lap-books. NOTE TO ALISHA. DON'T MAKE YOUR KIDS DO THEM IN HIGH SCHOOL. I'm not one to believe crafts prepared you for the SAT.

You know what I really want to do with my time? Go to the Vans store and buy some cute skinny jeans that stop at the ankles so you can roll them up. Then I want some really cute menswear-inspired shirts. You know, with the neat collars. Maybe some Sperry Top Siders. Call me preppy. I don't care. Then I want to go to this one thrift store in phoenix and buy a bunch of records I saw 2 yrs ago. Houses of the Holy in original plastic. Things like that. Then I wanna go to a vintage clothing store in Tempe/scottsdale area. Get my hair done at Rumor's and buy a bunch of film and start my photography project as my hobby.
I also want to buy some more Stride Shaun White gum. It's the only thing that makes me happy right now

But no. I wake up, eat, do homework, practice piano, shower, eat, practice again, probably go somewhere usually errands or a class, then more homework, and then eat and go to bed. That's how I spend my days. All of them. Weekends are no different. If I'm lucky, I make it to scottsdale bible cliquey high school ministry on Wednesdays.

I know this really cool girl, and I really want to hang out with her because I basically have no kindred spirits in my life (if Anne Shirley were here, she would be proud of my word choice.) But I don't know how to hang out with a friend. I don't know what we would do, or where we would go. Or if she would even have fun or not.
I'm getting tired. This is a good thing. Tomorrow's a new day with no mistakes in it. (wow two Anne terms in one post!!)

Picture: this is my computer where I do my work. My red shutters are my favorite part and I always change my screen to a photo I've taken.

interesting

I just found out, someone I went to kindergarten with, hung out all through elementary, home schooled all through high school, is going to try to major in music at ASU next year. Isn't that the craziest thing you've ever heard!!.

Waltz of the Flowers

I'm playing this for the studio's Christmas performance. It's gonna be my last year. I'm so sad. But so far, reading this piece, I've come to some conclusions:
It's boring and it bugs me.
It's too showy
It reminds me of my ballet-nutcracker years. The years of costumes, and 8 hour rehearsals, stress, running around Horizon High School's auditorium, stage moms, watching them from the corner of your eye in the wings holding clipboards, the stage lights glinting off their glasses, getting screamed at by said moms because you didn't put on your "wings" (special ballet stage eye makeup) yet (6 hrs before the performance.) And the absense of my mom during dress rehearsals and her forced enthusiasm during performances. My dad tagging along--yet asleep through the whole thing--because he overdosed on muscle relaxers. Countless cookie dough sales for the studio. Moms remarking to other moms about their daughter's bodies. IT WAS A CRAZY 4 YEARS.
That's why I don't enjoy my Nutcracker piece.

the Kirke's

Tomorrow my parents get to go with the Kirke's to an ASU game. Their son, Riley was on my dad's 13U team this past year. Riley gets to go to the game also. Eve does not. :(
But, I get to stay home with Dylan (11) and her sister Peyton. (13) But these two girls--like the rest of the family--crack me up. Here's a pic of Dylan from one of the NSLL all-star games in July. She was imitating someone from little people big world.
I choose to party with the kids almost half my age

Hmm

Today in student leadership class we were asked about the different leaders in our life. I only listed my parents because they're the only ones that have positively effected me in my life. All my other coaches/teachers have also, but not to a ground-breaking extent. I was feeling pretty blessed or good about myself, and especially with the next question. "Do you have any good influences in your life?" Duh, this was a yes.
And then, "do you have any bad influences in your life?" I said no, but seconds after that, I said yes in my head. It was odd. I honestly didn't know this person was a bad influence until that moment. It was kind of confusing and disappointing. I feel God has put this person in my life for a reason. A spiritual person once told me I am a comforter for a lot of people and I speak the truth and impact them more than I can imagine. This was serious. Throughout my life I've had certain people placed on my heart, and I've followed through with that and never given up on them. Not sayin I'm perfect, I've definitely had my foot in mouth moments....... But now this is different: this person is influencing me negatively. Yet, I need to be in their life. It's a crazy realization, and something new. I wonder how it will turn out

stress

The blood tests showed nothing. We're still deciding on running a test to check for Epstein-Barr and a wheat allergy. But it's most likely that I have chronic fatigue syndrome. It would make so much sense for the things that have occurred:
got shingles when I was 13 because my immune system was so low. This runs in our family, my great grandma had it, my mom and my aunt.
car accident last October sent me into a downward spiral. I suffered from so much back pain in my upper back and shoulders. It never seemed to get better, even though I was going to a chiro. It was hard to do my homework sitting in a chair with my back aching. It felt like someone had an ice pick into my back and shoulders. This caused me to get behind in school and I stressed and stressed and tried to catch up. I never would that semester. In Dec. we went to a different chiro and within the first treatment, I felt my pain drop from a 9 on the 1-10 pain scale, to a 7. Four months later, my pain scale was at a 2. I still have a little discomfort in my shoulders, but I've been working out and it strengthens my muscles around my shoulders. I barely notice anything now..
Unfortunately, during all this stress and trying to recover from the back pain, I got shingles again in April. I took the meds they gave me and it the symptoms went away. Usually shingles doesn't come back. But then again, usually old people get shingles, and I got it when I was 13; nothing should surprise me.
Then I got shingles again in June. That was really weird. I started to notice that a couple of days before it, I would get so extremely exhausted and no amount of working out, food, or sleep could recharge me. So I filed this away and tried really hard the next couple of months to not eat sugar, go to bed, and try to remain free of stress.
Well, it was summer, and I tried really hard to be healthy and rested, but still got shingles again in September.
That was it. We went to the naturopathic doctor and got blood tests done.
So I'm pretty sick of being tired all the time. Every day I get up and feel tired. In the morning, i feel mediocre, but in the afternoon I completely crash. I need a nap usually every day.  Sometimes I'll take a nap for 2-3 hours, so I keep these short so I can accomplish homework!!! (Frustrating.)
Then at night, I'm completely wired and can't fall asleep. Then I go to bed late, and wake up early, therefore dropping my immune system lower and lower. It's so annoying, I'm sick of this.
The doctor says my body can't handle stress very well. What could I possibly be stressed about? I guess my body thinks school is the worst thing since polio and freaks out. School doesn't stress me out that much--psychologically.
ANYWAY. I don't even know why I'm still writing this stuff. If your reading this, sorry!
I think I just like clearing my brain a little on this blog. I'm positive only 2 people read my blog as of right now.
Soo yeah. Hopefully I can go to bed early tonight and feel better tomorrow. I hate waking up at 5 for school. I also hope and pray I get better. I can't imagine college like this.

September is lame

I've never liked this month... ever. October--yes. But not September.
Some things that are cool:
I've been doing the worship for the eleven10 service at Scottsdale Bible. I play keyboard. It's the most contemporary service out of the 4 they have on Sundays. That's been great.
And physiology is an amazing class only our teacher is shoving it down out throats. We learn a chapter a day. Our first test will be covering 4 chapters and the test takes about 80 minutes.
Foster the People is all I've been listening to. Usually I hate indie music, but for some reason, Torches is the exception.
I might be getting my hurr done soon. I want to go as light as I can. I'm sick of dark hair all the time.
TCBS is starting this Thursday!!! It will be my last year. I've been dreading this moment since I was a freshman. Seriously, I love this Bible study. I only wish it was back at Scottsdale Bible Chapel instead of Scottsdale Worship Center. It's too small where it is now. Then again, we only have 10 regulars show up anyway. I hope it gets bigger this year.

"I'll take you one indie, and raise you one indie."--Evan

Soo today I woke up with a sore throat, which is super crappy. And on top of that I have shingles again for the 4th time in my life. 3rd time in the past 5 months. This is super rare, and I have blood tests scheduled for Tuesday. Baahhhh....
For the next couple of hours I'll be listening to music.
So far on my list I have,
Cage the Elephant
Drake
Foster the People
Bush
The Pixies
Stone Temple Pilots
Alphaville
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Pearl Jam (of course)
Ill Gin Blossoms
Massive Attack
Meat Puppets
Goo Goo Dolls
Switchfoot
Sublime
The Cure
Mumford and Sons
Modest Mouse.
 This unofficial list thanks to Robert who introduces me to amazing music (started with Gorillaz and the rest is history), and Evan who wants me to eventually love ghetto rap. (WE'LL SEE) And Ethan who enjoys Massive Attack. I believe there's a special place in heaven for those who love truly original trip hop.
Last night I went to an SCA football game with 8 girls from KEYS. Half of them lived in Glendale and the other half of us lived in Scottsdale. I had no idea I would know SOOO many people!! It was fun for me, but the rest of my friends were bored. That made things very awkward.
Also, the first person I recognized was this guy named Brad who goes to SCA and was on my dad's 18U team this past summer. I said hi and then he said, "So why are you here?"
"Oh. To watch the football game. My friend's playing."
He started to back away slowly, "Do you go to Fountain Hills?"
"No.."
"Uhm. Well.. ok. Fun. Well nice seeing you again. Bye."
Then walked away.
 Very awkward.
 My girlfriends started laughing and I was extremely confused. I came to the conclusion he probably thought I was someone else halfway through the conversation. That's always fun. Later, my dad ran into him too, and said he was just confused as to what school I actually went to. So he knew who I was, but didn't understand why I was there.
 Less awkward.
 Are you bored yet?
Good.
Are you still reading?
 I pity you.
 So my style has meshed into more grunge/90's minimalist. It's odd! And I've made up my mind I want cornrow braids next summer..Not sure about the upkeep. Can you wash your hair with them?? Serious question. Wow, this post has turned quite hipster in less than 2 minutes. more later!!!

Hawt

Today I did homework and then got ready for spanish class at the Bragg's house. My friends Jaclyn and Nate live two doors down from Elle and Sam and we all go to keys! Jaclyn is teaching us Spanish 2 on Wed. mornings. Mom was at lunch so I had to bike to the Bragg's. It's only ten minutes away but I was running late and couldn't find a backpack or my Spanish book. It was a mess. I just shoved everything in a bag and slung it on my shoulder, pushed my bike to the sixth gear and sped off. Soon I realized its really hard to ride a bike with a huge bag on your shoulder. And it was also 102 degrees at 11am. So there I was, literally huffing and puffing down the street determined to not be late. I envisioned myself growing feeble and weak and slowly falling over from the heat, my hands too tired to reach for my phone to call 911 as I lay on the side of a deserted, sunbaked, sidewalk.
I eventually made it.

Also I drove myself for the first time alone back to Jaclyn's house for a first aid/CPR/ EMT-ish stuff review in tomorrow's physiology class.  I brought a doll so we could do a mock incident. The doll literally scared their dog so bad, he would go into fits of barking and teeth-bearing when the doll would sit propped against the wall. As I left the house Jaclyn became terrified and said the doll in my bag looked so creepy, just winking at her. She took a picture. Post!

Drove myself to SBC which was scary. I took the back way and was late but oh well. Sat with Aisha, Brandon, and Kelsey. And after 3 months, Ryan Hubner finally scared me enough to make me jump. All those frustrating attempts of him hiding behind a curtain, or sneaking up during band rehearsal, only to find me unphased and calmly saying, "Nice try." "Hi Ryan behind the door." Or, "Funny how those curtains have feet." Victory was his! Although Eve gets ten points for not gasping or screaming, even though I recoiled about six feet to my left.

Church was really good! We ended the night and good message and altar call with 'Your Love Never Fails' that is my favorite worship song. We sang it during surf camp this year.oddly enough I had a dream last night I was surfing again. It was so real and vivid. I miss surfing!!!!c

*slow motion* "NOOO"

I'm falling into my old patterns! Choosing to watch tv instead of homework. Die netflix, die!!!

So some major earthquake huh? Hah. Californians are just laughing on this side of the coast. A 5.8 is like going over a speed bump.
On Fox they made a huuge deal and showed this one school in VA with 'severe structural damage'
(fallen ceiling tiles, a broken cement block, and books strewn around a classroom.)
How did anybody survive.

I'm wondering what they could possibly be covering up right now. There's no way this deserves so much attention.

'Jeremy' by Pearl Jam has been in my head all day. Such a great song.

Here's a picture one of those motivational posters you see around. I found it inside a YMCA building... how funny..

Re hash

Second day of school went lovely. I'm still on a high from Minnesota. Definitely did not spend near enough time there as I wanted.
It's gonna be two weeks tomorrow since Mitchell died. Still sad but its going away.
Back hurts a lot.... working out should make my shoulders stronger and feel less like they're being impaled with a knife.
Christian worldview class is going amazingly well, along with physiology!!! I'm pretty excited!
Student leadership is as awkward as it is awesome. I love planning events and collaborating with others and tryin to make Keys better. Or so I thought.
As I so vehemently stated to mom when I got home, 'gosh! There's so much dissension with everyone tries to lead!'

In other news, I've been enjoying Anne of green gables on byu tv quite regularly and plan to read the books soon! It's so Canadianly-nostalgic.

Look up the song re hash by the gorillaz... you won't regret it

Pics: my only friends in study hall Justin and Michael. A real life shawn and Gus from Psych. It's scary. There's even a 'Jules' for shawn... even funnier. Keys <3

Changes

Last week a really sad thing happened. My friend Mitchell died and its been a crazy thing trying to deal with that. I had a lengthy post in the works, but for some reason can't access it from mobile Blogger.. so I thought something was better than nothing. I can always post it later.

Well school started yesterday and I'm not sure how I feel about it either. A lot of things changed over the summer. Changes equally good as they were bad. Especially in the old friends department. I hate drama that doesn't go away. I'm not a dramatic person believe it or not. I'm easy to be around. I would rather forget than confront and unfortunately sometimes when you have to confront, things linger in the air for a while! I would rather burn bridges but that's not the way either.

Mitchell's funeral was today and I missed it because I was flying to Minnesota. I'm here visiting cousins and was greeted with just an overwhelming sense of change. People grow up, even your cousins. And it can be hard when you think YOU never change.
I also found out my friend's dad just committed suicide, so this has been a week from H-E double hockey sticks.

Well. This post has turned out to be quite existential!!! On the bright side, it poured for about 2 hrs today!! On fb I noticed everyone in AZ sayin that too. It's proven fact that when one of the Ontiveros' leave the state, it rains. But I'm glad I got to see the rain here.

Pictures: got my license Friday!
Me in study hall at school. Friend Michael was playing with my phone and I just found this pic he took.... I edited it because retro is the way to go

Old Patterns

Last night I had a dream it was the first day of school. It was pretty realistic, if you can overlook the fact that we flew to get around campus, classes were in different rooms of my house, and an old acquaintance from freshman year was back in our circle of friends. Now this friend--in real life--never treated me very well and almost symbolizes a time in my life I wish to never repeat. I thought it was odd that Friend was back and was a little concerned Friend was going to make life a repeat of 2008-2009. So there we were, my little group of friends, back at school like a nice reunion. Except it wasn't happy, but instead vexing.
I wonder what that dream meant? I think it means that a new year brings anticipation and a chance to change things and better yourself or redeem yourself somehow. And there's always that creeping thought in your head that you will slip into old habits and allow autopilot to take over instead of being actively involved in living your life. I look at last year and I see a lot of confusion.
As you may or may not know, last year I was emotionally bullied by a few in my circle of friends. Odd as this sounds, they accepted me and loved me as much as they flippantly slammed me. I now understand what it was: complete immaturity...and the most immature one involved was myself. I allowed it to happen in fear of losing my popularity.
So this summer I feel like I've discovered this new side to me; a side that won't stand for any more crap, yet still eager to give them a second chance.
The dream was a foreshadowing of things to come if I fail.

Some pics

Here's a picture of mom and Jacky. Ahh she is such a great dog with loads of personality. Too bad her usual dark eyes look like flying saucers in this picture.

And here is a floral patterned dress. Hate it or love it? Its the newest edition to my closet. Still deciding on wearing it or not.

I have a list of 8 or 9 families I want to go boating with. 2 of them we are taking this week. I NEVER WANT SUMMER TO END. :'(

I don't know if I'm lying to myself, or maybe I've forgotten what stress feels like, but I'm going to try my hardest to get my homework done ASAP and keep the feeling of summer alive. Even if it's only for the month of August.

Also, just scrolled on my weather app, and apparently were going to get a cold front that will settle on us for the first day of school. (august 15th) 93 high and 82 low with rain!!!!!!!!! Yes please! But I leave for Minnesota on the 16th so I get to miss out on all the cold weather. Seems to happen to me a lot. I think in 98 when it snowed here, we were in Louisville. And I was in San Diego this year and missed the massive haboob.

Piano today. Better go do scales.

Monsoon on Bartlett

I awoke at 4am to drive to Casa Grande to pick up my new grand piano. Yes, folks, after weeks and weeks I finally found the perfect one. And since pianos can't be moved in the heat we left real early.
The drive up there was amazing: only 4 miles outside of Ahwatukee and it's like a new planet. Just miles and miles of nothing, mountains, hills and creosotes. It was humid and storm clouds were rolling in for a beautiful sunset.
And by 9am it was there, sitting in our house looking tired. Poor piano. Here's some background info:
1929 Mason and Hamlin
rebuilt/strings, dampers, cast-iron painted, soundboard redone in 1970's
single family owners since 1929.
Black satin finish
5'8'' parlor grand.
and sounds so great.

That afternoon my friend Dan came over to go boating with us. I could not believe after a mere week of cleaning and fixing the boat, that we would be able to take it out to Bartlett.
It sat in the backyard for nine years and last Friday dad got the (terribly impossible) idea of bringing it out again! PUHLEAZE like that would ever happen!
And there I was, riding in the back of the Expedition up to Barlett. So excited, so glad, and so ready for some tubing!
We saw a wall of periwinkle as we drove to the north but didn't think much of it.
Getting on the water brought back so many memories of camping on Lee's Ferry, tubing with Keilah Ortegus when I was 6 and holding on for DEAR life as the boat pulled us at high speed. ALso the time when my dad forgot to put the plug in the boat, and we sped off and soon realized the enormous puddle pooling at the stern. And that one time mom gave me too much cough syrup and I lay asleep for hours as my parents and grandparents had a fun time on the boat.

We set off and dad pushed the throttle and we rushed across the water. It was beautiful and I forgot how much fun it was.
Dad stopped and pulled the tube out and tied the rope on and started fiddling with it. Something was wrong with the float that held up the rope, and it sank and therefore was geting in the way with the propellers. To make matters worse the waves pushed the rope under the propellers and it became tangled In addition, our dog was being VERY ANNOYING and whining and barking and jumping from seat to seat. My mom was screaming at Jacky to be quiet and 'lay down!' and dad was upset about the possibility of not tubing. I suddenly realized how the periwinkle clouds had turned to dark purple. The wind was whipping around us and I noticed how fast the horizon was moving. "Dad, the rocks." He looked up and worked even faster. Seconds later I looked towards land again and my eyes widened. We had moved SO fast within mere seconds and approached the rocky shore. "DAD!!!" I screamed above the din of wind, dog-barking, mom-yelling... "THE ROCKS, THE ROCKS!" Dad picked up his head from the mess of rope he was working with. We were suddenly in a terrible predicament. Faced with the rope off the end of the boat, interfering with the motor, we coulnd't punch it and get out of the waves. Decisions had to be made. Dad raised the motor out of the water and told us to jump out and push the boat away from land while he untangled the rope. It was a good thing the boat drafts in 8 inches of water, or we'd be wrecked for sure. Mom, Dan and I jumped out and clambored to shore and braced against the boat right as the hull gently collided with the bulky river rocks. Our feet were throbbing at this point; none of us had shoes. So there we stood on those rocks, acting like human bumpers, keeping the boat stable. The wind really kicked up now, dad told us to push off and get the motor away from the rocks so he could lower it, we heaved and the boat shot out just enough. He lowered the motor and we climbed in right as he punched the motor. Four foot swells crashed against the hull and pushed at our boat (which was still sideways.) Dad tried to steer the 18 foot deck boat in the shallow cove. The sunshade above us was acting as an enormous sail, and did not work to our advantage, but in that hairy situation none of us thought to take it down. Right when we thought we were out of the worst, the wind tossed the blaze oragne flag into the water. We all stopped for a second watching, and thinking it would float, but it sank! Dad stopped the motor and mom went in after it. Again, we started drifting to the shore. Dan put the ladder down and mom tried to climb up, but she couldn't because the boat was moving too fast. Dad couldn't speed away because mom was by the motor. We were now heading even faster to the shore of a yet another rockier cove. Nobody was worried about mom as she tossed about--sans life vest--in the middle of the lake with 4 foot waves crashing over her head.
One would think Jacky would have become hoarse from all the barking, but NO. She barked and barked and barked. The boat careened closer to colliding starboard side with the rocky shore. Dad screamed at us to get out and keep the boat from crashing...AGAIN.
Not thinking, I jumped out starboard side and the water was deeper than I thought, and the boat almost went over me! Dad was livid and I could barely hear why, because the wind was so loud. Dan was already on the shore struggling to brace the boat. The waves became so bad they pushed me face-first and I banged my shin against a rock.
Meanwhile, mom was 10 yards away scrambling to shore with the wilted flag. I heard her cry out in pain and hold her foot. This was quickly turning into a disaster!
Dan and I held the boat as best as two people could, but we heard the spine tingling sound of scraping rocks against the hull. Mom joined us at this point and we pushed the boat as hard as we could. We isolated the motor and dad lowered it. He got out and pushed with us, the boat traveled away from the shore for a brief moment. We jumped in and lurched forward as dad laid on the throttle.
But it proved to be useless. The waves were so bad, and the boat--extremely bulky. We had no choice but to drift into a sandy cove.
The boat beached starboard side, and port side to the waves. We assesed the damage: towels--sopping wet, chips and Cheeto's all over the boat, ropes in a mess, water all over the seats. So we got out, took some chairs and food with us and just chilled on the beach. Jacky bolted as fast as she could to dry land and... well, took care of business. The poor dog was freaking out the whole time because she had to go. My parents felt bad for calling her...colorful names during the whole boat-crashing deal. Surprisingly it was sunny and very nice out. Except...the wind was unreal and there was a storm moving towards us.
We were full and relaxed and exchanged stories. Mom said, "While I was out there flailing in the lake, I noticed a lonely Cheeto just bobbing by my face. It's funny the things you notice when you're about to die."
After lunch, dad checked on the boat and noticed the waves crashing into the boat had contributed to a very large puddle pooling at the stern. He turned the bilge pump on and trekked out with the anchor in search of a rocky point to hook the anchor on.
He came back and broke the news, we were going to have to push the boat out again to get it deeper into the cove and hook it to the anchor.
We braced against the boat, all four of us and pushed. It. Did. Not. Budge. Our feet slipped in the sandy mud and the waves crashed on the hull and into our faces. We pushed with all our strength and might for 60 seconds. Dad had us time the waves so when they lifted the boat up a tad, that's when we'd go in hard and push like never before, then when it loosened from the sand, we would push from the back. It was so stuck in the sand, I thought we'd never make it. NO phone service, no nothing. I guessed if it got too bad, one of us would have to swim to the middle of the lake and try to flag down a passing boat.
We set our feet and heaved. For what felt like hours we did this, and finally it let go. We moved to the stern as part of the plan, and manuvered the boat into the water. Dad got in and steered. Finally we were in the middle of the cove and hooked up to the anchor. I slipped into the deep water and just floated there thanking God.

The rest of the lake trip was fun. We jetted across the water and explored some beautiful areas of Bartlett. I got to drive the boat--which was fun. The day wasn't completely ruined and we ended up having a great time!

Belieber

Today a great girl named Brooke came over for my Never Say Never movie night. We both dressed up in sequins, sillybandz, converse and other 8th-grader clothes.
I haven't known her for a long time but she's been in my circle of friends for a while. I've wanted to hang with her since Sept of last year. I had a great night.
First we played an Elton John record because she wanted to see what it was like.
Then we ate quesadillas with Rooster sauce (super spicy sauce.)  After that, we viewed an episode of Arthur just to be nostalgic.
Mom geared up to go to Albertsons to get the movie from Redbox and we came. Feeling a little awkward, we stepped out of the car in our total dorky, sparkly 8th grade girl clothes and entered the grocery store. I, of course was ADD and hyped up on BIEBER. And could not memorize the 3 item shopping list. Brooke kept me on track. She is so funny and is like my twin. Only she is an Alaska native and I'm a tootall Arizona desert child.
We stood by the Redbox and found the DVD, and to my horror found mom chatting it up with the check out lady. (I assumed the lady was telling mom her life-story, because my mom attracts people like that.) But no, instead I saw mom mouth the words, 'Justin Bieber'. And then the check out lady and other people in line began to look at us and chuckle with those wide eyed looks adults give best. Brooke and I hid behind a cardboard display.
As we were about to leave, mom hands us both a Justin Bieber folder and says, 'The woman I was talking to suggested we get these. She also thinks your Bieber movie party is cute and she likes Bieber too!' So Brooke and I held up our Justin folders, smiled and walked past the check-out counters and the lady had a big grin on her face.
At home we watched the movie. Surprisingly, my dad would talk over the movie and other silly things in an obvious ploy for attention. We told him to leave in shrill girl voices. And dad even said Justin was adorable and beyond talented! Yay
The, movie was really good and during the concert scenes, we would use our phones as lighters and wave to the music. I'm not gonna lie, I kinda cried during the part where he struggled with strained vocal chords during his tour and his mom prayed for healing as he cried. IT WAS SO SAD.
I also brought out the teen gossip magazines and we peeled the Justin posters from the binding and ripped up the Selena Gomez poster--total revenge.
Brooke is the biggest Oklahoma Sooners fan known to AZ. When my dad discovered this at dinner, those two went back and forth about college football. Dad hates the TX longhorns, so they had something in common to rip to shreds with football-speak! Mom and I were laughing hilariously while the conversation escalated. Football stats were thick in the air, Brooke blared the OU fight song from her phone and confessed her love for Sam Bradford. Dad blathered on about Michigan's legacy and was all pumped about how, 'good they're gonna be this year.'
Brooke had so many amazing, funny stories from Alaska...and how her sister ran over their pet bird's toes. And growing up wearing side ponytails... and trips to Russia... eating dog... and twirling baton for the Fiesta bowl. Soo glad I had this party! Mostly because I was a somewhat sheltered middle schooler who never did girly parties and obsessed about a teen pop star. But I think it was wayy more fun to do it now as a high school senior. :)

Today

Piano lessons in Tempe. Stopped by the grandparents in Phoenix for homemade cookies and tacos and a nap. Gearing up for some errands, and a nice day of 100* with a thunderstorm. Party later tonight. I'm looking forward to badminton!

Another beautiful July day in the valley!!

Massive Attack, SoCal, Redscale, and Seventh Chords

Massive Attack
(Listen to the music. Not the videos)






I could literally look at pictures of abandoned psych wards and listen to this song. It's so weird!





After a year of Led Zeppelin, Supertramp, Alan Parsons Project, and Peter Gabriel I am finally on my new kick: Trip hop.
Trip hop is amazing. I bought 'Mezzanine' by Massive Attack and basically listened to the whole album for 9 months. It's so dark, surreal, and slightly orchestral and it blows my mind. It's crazy to think that most of their stuff was from the 90's. It's timeless. I would just love to chill back and have a jam session; record it, and then mix it later and get super creative--technically. That sounds like the best way to make and album!
Dubstep is increasingly becoming popular and somewhat related to trip hop. It's a little too over-produced for me, and rarely has vocals. But I'm glad the teen crowd's liking it. I think America will agree with me: I'm so sick of blonde pop stars and shrieky/ambient indie rock bands.

SoCal
SoOverdone. SoCliche. SoArtsyFartsy. SoTwoMinutesAgo
maxi dress, floater tops, single chain necklaces with little silver owl feather charms, military boots, leggings, boho hair extensions... MAKE IT STOP. You open your issue of Vogue, see something avant garde or unique, and you think, 'Why can't we do THAT??' Obviously true, creative fashion doesn't sell, because then it wouldn't be creative anymore. I'm a huge fan (now) of minimalism, and menswear-inspired looks.

Redscale film photography.
Not really a fan of the whole hipster lo fi photography movement, (Instagram is my enemy) but I adore redscale film.
It's July and I have yet to do this. All you need is two rolls of film and a 35 mm and you can do it yourself!

Seventh Chords.
I'm learning seventh chords in every interval of all major and minor scales. Musical theory is really opening up a new world for me. I play one chord and a million melodies fill the corners of my ear. I feel like I want to write music but I don't know how. So I'm just learning theory until I can.

Cyberbully
Just watched this movie on the DVR with mom. OH my gosh, yeah ABC Family you're thinking it's lame, but it was actually good!! I was blown away. It was so true: and I think every teen should watch it. And all the middle schoolers especially. You have no idea how much of this goes on. I see it a lot, and it's happened to everyone by some point in time. It was actually refreshing to see old Disney stars REALLY act (not just roll their eyes and deliver whimsical teenie bopper dialogue.)

I'll conclude with a laugh.
I literally could not stop laughing the whole time I saw this. My mom was in tears too.

Charm > Old People

Just got back from softball practice in Fountain Hills. Man, do I love that place. So much charm! I saw the fountain go off at night for the 1st time--that was mesmerizing. Also, I stopped at Fountain Bowl, the local bowling alley. Ok, I'm never going to Via Linda Lanes again! It was small and cute..... had old school arcade games and a great menu. We met the owner and she was so nice! I already know who I'm taking there in the future. It's worth the long trip!